Writing: Site & Linear

Ashley-
You do a great job at separating your personal conflict and the issue itself. I really like that you have an entire link labeled as "My Own Story" and take the time to give a little background on what connection you share with the topic. The empathy you make the reader feel when explaining the californian government's situation is even Schlosser like. As far as the writing within the site goes I would recommend eliminating the comma splicing in your sentences (you and I both have that problem). Other than the occasional grammatical errors, there's really nothing I would recommend.

Linear-
Again, good development of your argument. However I think that the introduction is slightly repetitive and perhaps too casual like in relation to the rest of the essay. The "...bittersweet time for a student. It's sweet because..." is something that I think could be eliminated, or at least not directly explained after it was stated.

Jacob-
I think the website writing is definitely much better organized than it was before. The splash page could probably use a substitute or elimination of the word "Alcohol" since it was used about 9 times in the first paragraph. Maybe putting a spin on the intro so that we can relate to it a little better (teen/underage drinking) might not only be more interesting, but easier to write.
Again there's just some minor issues with the flow of your writing on the site. I would recommend to read it out loud as I told ashley, it definitely helps.

Linear-
Your linear sounds really good. The flow of your writing and development of your argument are much better here. Again, take the time to read through what you wrote and think of simpler ways to write sentences. For instance "...it all depends on how we treat it and how we ingest it." could be shortened to it all depends on how we treat and ingest it. Other than that, great job overall.

Mike Ho-
I really enjoyed your site and writing skills. You do a good job at allowing the reader to identify with the advancement of technology and an even better job at picking the topic. The advancement of videogames and the computer generation fits into Remixing Little Brother perfectly so kudos on that. Honestly I wouldn't really change much except for the minor grammatical errors that you can look through and find yourself.
Linear-
Great development in your argue and add ons to your website writing. Other than grammatical errors again, I think you have something solid here. Specifically, watch the run-ons towards the end of the intro. If you fix those and watch out for the repetitive use of words you'll be golden.

Keep it real,
Austin