Here is my revised screen play. For this revision, I decided to make the dialogue shorter in some areas, while still retaining the speeches that are in the movie itself. I additionally made the dialogue much more lax in nature. For example I made the characters say goin instead of going. I believe that it gives it a much more human feel to it. All in all, I actually made the movie more concise in parts and more elaborate in others. For the scene descriptions and scenes themselves, I elaborated on them and gave more camera angles and such. Here is a link to my final revision of my script.